I want to talk for a minute about my favorite fuckin' bands. Just because I can, not because you want me to. Fuck off if you don't like it.
ALL TIME FAVORITE BAND: Nunslaughter
Nunslaughter is, was, and always will be my favorite band. I've been into them since about the year 2000 or so, making me a fan of 25 years. I didn't think they'd continue past Jim passing away, but Don, as usual, picked up the pieces and made the band probably better than ever. Jim's legacy lives on in that his sound was such a huge part of the Nunslaughter sound, behind the kit at least, and the current drummer does a great job of mimicking that punk sensibility. When I buy a Nunslaughter record, I know exactly what I'm buying, I know I'll like it, and I know it's at least as good as their previous record. There's a reason they take up a huge amount of real estate on my patched-up blood red fuckin' denim jacket! Nunslaughter is fucking death metal to me.
#2: Obituary
With a bullet. Obituary is another one of those bands that's simply honed their sound over the years, and hasn't had an unreasonable shift in style that would turn me off. I believe they're the heaviest band in the world all these years later. Plus, Tardy's vocals are unmistakable, unimpeachable, and unpretentious. I got into them at the age of 13 or so when I picked up Cause of Death and saw the video for The End Complete on Headbangers Ball soon after that. I bought that when it came out, as I have all their other records from that point on.
#3: Cannibal Corpse
When you buy a Cannibal record, you know what you're getting, and you know it won't let you down. Sure, there are some records slightly stronger than others, but it's never going to be so bad you chuck the fucker out the window in frustration. I started with Eaten Back to Life right about the time Tomb of the Mutilated came out, and of course I saw Ace Ventura and freaked out when I saw Cannibal's appearance in the movie.
#4: Immortal
Of all the Norwegian bands, Immortal is the one I got into, and the fact that their songs are so damn good is why. A lot of people consider their magnum opus to be Battles in the North, and it's excellent, but I prefer both At the Heart of Winter and Sons of Northern Darkness for their epic feel, and the melodic riffing on top of increased heaviness and a willingness to back off the speed. Marduk does grinding black metal better, anyway, at least when Legion was in the band.
#5: Grave
I bought You'll Never See... shortly after it came out, again when I was a growing metalist, about 13 or 14 or so. It crushed my fuckin' face. I like Soulless, but it's nothing compared to this album and the debut. It's soul-crushing heaviness changed my outlook on what death metal could be and should be, and all these years later, I find they're still goddamn good at what they do.
GOD-TIER FAVORITE: Judas Priest
So, fuckface, why didn't you include Judas Priest as your favorite band of all time, and say it's Nunslaughter instead? You tryin' to be "underground," asshole? No, motherfucker, I'm not. Judas Priest gets their own category because they're the first band that readily identified themselves as heavy metal (Black Sabbath still insists they play hard rock, so Halford took it upon himself to accept the position as the original Heavy Metal band). I've always preferred Priest to Maiden, since they were heavier (I got into them with the Painkiller record, which got heavy play on Headbanger's Ball when I was a kid). From there I followed Halford over to Fight, then disregarded the Two thing he did. I also followed them through the Ripper period, and Jugulator remains my favorite record from that period to this day. The newest Priest record is incredible - soaring melodies, furious solos, memorable songs each and every one. I also follow KK's Priest, and I look at it like I get two versions of Priest, and I'm 100% fine with that! More for me, man.
That's a wrap on the favorites. If I listed all the honorable mention, it would just be a book-length post with nothing but band names, so I had to have a cutoff somewhere. One special one is Molder, who recently elevated themselves almost into this list with their recent record.
